Day 10--Jan 27th

Yesterday I had no motivation. Not even the thought of my first race looming only a few weeks away was enough to excite me about training. I ran at 4:00 as usual (I changed the time so I don't have to go back to work in my dress clothes while I was still perspiring.) Ok, well...."Perspiring" is such a nice way of saying, "Sweating like a pig on a steamy August afternoon knowing you're next in line for the slaughter." Whatever, I moved it to 4:00 so I could just go home and take a shower afterward.

Despite the lack of motivation, I kept hearing in my mind that it takes 30 days to form a new habit. Having implemented this "habit" on January 4th, I'm starting to think that the person who said that is unstable. However, with the thought that I'd have a new healthy habit and be home free in less than a week, I snatched up my backpack and headed over to the White House to run.

Oh...it was a tough day. My legs were so stiff it felt like I was running on crutches; I had no pace or fluidity but instead lumbered like a freight train through 30 minutes of grueling, mind numbing pain. The rhythm was a deafening: thud, thud, pause, thud, thud, pause, thud, thud, pause.

Where oh where was my joy? Where was my conviction? Where was my deep, spiritual insight and application? Had they abandoned me like fair weather friends? They have been my long time, but not oft called on companions; they probably got sick of me seeking them out only in times of desperation. They packed up and went home. I don't blame them. This treadmill was no place to be right now. Trust me.

I was alone with no flights of feeling, no deep reservoir of strength, no desire for selfish benefit. It was just me, running. Not knowing why. Just hoping that I could form a new habit if I kept at it.

OOOOHHHHH.......the light bulb went on...

Wow! That was the secret? HOPE? Just the hope that I could be stronger and in better control of mind and body kept me enduring this punishment? Hope has that kind of power?? The deep spiritual insights were numerous. I'll leave them to you to apply.

After a few minutes of contemplation, one major thought occurred to me; I'm not to be trusted with this knowledge. With great power, comes great responsibility...or so I've heard. I'm not worthy of knowledge, power, responsibility or trust. But I am still hopeful.

Over the years, my deepest hopes have always been to have new habits and desires, to be better. To be free from sin and soul sickness, sadness and grief. To be like Jesus. And here was the answer, staring me right in the face. Not shrouded in feeling, fancy, selfishness, pride, vanity, or anything else, my motivation was simply hope. Whether it was in training my body, or training my mind, the power of hope was enough to keep me going.

I'm pondering this new revelation. I'll write more about it later. Hopefully, tomorrow.

Till next time, keep running!

Day Unknown (Sometime during week 4) Jan. 26th

Yes, I ran today. I've also been walking on my days off. However, I have NOT been blogging much. Sorry about that but somethings gotta give. I'll make it up to you, I promise.

My musings will probably ramble a bit since I've got 4 sessions of running workouts to catch up on. See what you get when you procrastinate? A long winded blogger and a bored bunch of readers. I'll try to keep it short...in the event that becomes impossible, feel free to surf the web instead. That's what I do.

Anyway, the last few workouts have been good. My stamina is improving, I'm up to about 9 minutes of continuous running with just a few minutes to rest in between. I'm not really supposed to be doing this much in week 4 of the program, but I'm trying to push myself a little bit harder so I can work on my speed before the race. It would be embarrassing to be beaten by a 12 year old, a 92 year old, or a new mommy pushing a stroller. Not that I haven't been beaten badly before...it happens. I'm just trying to avoid it this time. Call me selfish.

Which reminds me, today my friends Cindy and Tennille talked me into signing up for the Susan G. Komen Race for a Cure on April 25th in Lansing. They are both running it so I agreed. I'm an idiot. There, I said it.

But hey, a goal of some kind never hurts. Especially for "Goal-Challenged" people like me.

Any-whooo...I've found these last few runs to be quite exciting. Not because they're fun--PLEASE...but rather because I see what is happening to my heart and lungs. They work, and work pretty efficiently. Who knew?

It's cool to see what your body can be trained to do. It's neat to feel yourself becoming stronger and hear your mind begin to tell you things you haven't heard in a long time. NO not, "hey those nachos have your name on 'em", but thing like, "you can do it" "will you look at that, 9 minutes", and "if rein in your breathing, you can go another minute". It's been interesting (to say the least) as my big, fat head has been used for something more than a hat rack. I repeat, who knew?

I've come to appreciate and trust the program. It's certainly not easy. It's not really fun either. But fun and ease are highly overrated. I've tried that road and I've yet to reach an eternal Disneyland. So I guess I'll try the hard work and self-denial road. At the very least, I know I'll end up with a heart that can pump some serious amounts of highly oxygenated blood and a brain that sends me love notes. Even if it costs me some Reese's cups and sweat, that's a pretty good deal.

Trusting the program, taking the path less traveled, appreciation, and hard work...I think God knew what would make us truly happy. He's a pretty smart Guy and worthy of every drop of sweat. His love is awesome. What else could make a person back away from the Reese's?

Until next time...keep breathing!

So I didn't run this weekend like I supposed to. Saturday night came and went. Sunday morning, afternoon and evening came and went. Monday, my day off, came and went. Still no running. The treadmill sits quiet, dusty. It smiles knowingly in my direction as I walk by to let the dog out. It's eyes follow me like an old portrait in a creepy Victorian home, never speaking audibly, but something in the way it looks at me says volumes.

My lunch becomes unpalatable. How can I eat when I haven't exercised? Those calories will go straight to my saddlebags!

Oh how crushing is the guilt of the chronic procrastinator, especially when it comes to exercise!

But today, Tuesday, Day 6, I am prepared. I have my tenny's, my freshly washed t-shirt and sweatpants ready to go. I am stoked! (My teenage son would cringe if he heard me say that.) Ok, so I'm not really stoked. I'm not even a little bit excited. I'm tired. I want to go home.

But off I go, I have people I am accountable to in this 5K training event. Thank goodness for accountability, without it, I would be certainly be home with my face in a bag of something very, very bad for me. And putting that treadmill up for sale on Craigslist.

Thank you running buddies--you may have saved a life. At the very least, you've saved a treadmill from the scrapheap. All the "greenies" will be pleased.

Off I go! I'll be writing about today's adventure soon...stay tuned. :)

Day 5--January 14th

Day five went down in the history books. The White House becomes less and less of a torture chamber and more and more of a necessity. Now that is scary.

Two friends accompanied me today. They inspire me. One of my friends had just eaten a big lunch and rather than hiding in her office to digest said lunch, she was walking briskly next to me. What dedication, what drive, what inspiration! I'd be curled up in the fetal position with my face in a puddle of drool, but hey, that's how I got in this position in the first place. I need to make a note of that.

My other friend broke her ankle a few months ago, went through surgery to pin it back together, is 10+ years older than I am and walking on an steep incline faster than I'm running. If she wasn't so sweet and cute, I'd have to hurt her.

Instead, I just marvel at the women around me. They are incredible, talented, smart, and determined; the office is filled with them. It's like an epidemic or something. Hold the vaccine please.

Anyway, as I watch my friends, we talk and laugh together. We share stories and weekend plans. Our friendship is a bond, and like our muscles and stamina, growing stronger and stronger each second as we weave our lives together in time. It's a beautiful thing.

Today my time on the treadmill holds some my most precious memories and deepest appreciation. Everyone needs that right?

Who knew?

Day 4--January 12th

The workout was conquered. I emerged from the torture chamber a victor!

We battled for 30 long minutes, but the treadmill didn't stand a chance. Determination, the Word of God and a very large bottle of water were my weapons. (Not to mention a very good friend and distracting conversation. )

But no matter! Day 4 has been defeated! (The crowd goes wild!)

I savor this victory, knowing that the treadmill is gathering its strength, waiting for the increases in time, distance and incline. It retreats in silence, actively plotting my destruction. This victory does not sit well, it will be back for retribution.

However, I do not fear you Treadmill of Doom! Through small victories each day, I will eventually run the race set before me and not be weary!

Ok, so I'll be weary. I'll even be sweaty. Very, very sweaty.

But I will not be overcome!

'Till next time....

Day 3--January 11th

Ok, so day three is behind me. There was no time to run at work today so as soon as I walked in the house, my suit was replaced with sweatpants and a tee-shirt, high heels with pink and black Nike's. I knew that if I didn't run ASAP, I wouldn't run at all. Then I'd be smothered with guilt for the rest of the week. Being the selfish creature I am, I couldn't carry that kind of load around.

The Lord works in mysterious ways.

Anyway, the run tonight was tough. My treadmill only fits in one spot in our bedroom...looking directly into my closet. Talk about being mocked. I swear there was an old halter dress somewhere in there laughing at me.

What is it with women and their clothes? Is fitting into a old pair of jeans a good enough reason to motivate me to endure this kind of punishment? Around about minute 22 I was seriously doubting that anything would be motivation enough. Well, except maybe a big old bag of chocolate... Those elastic waist band pants weren't really that ugly, if you had a nice top to go with 'em...

Of course, it's been typical that in about the last few minutes of my workout my mind finally gets quiet, all my smart remarks and far out musings take a back seat to the effort needed to concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other and to breathe. I think that's when God takes a sigh of relief because He can finally get a word in edgewise.

As I stared at the closet full of clothes that didn't fit, God reminded me of something.

There's a saying that whatever is worth doing, is worth doing right. However, that saying is subject to my interpretation of what is worth doing.

God was telling me that whatever is right is worth doing. That's a big difference.The rightness or wrongness (is that a word?)of an action is determined by God, not me, and if it's right, then it's worth doing.

So fitting into the old jeans wasn't worth the effort. It wasn't sanctioned in the Word of God. However, rather than stopping and stuffing my chubby cheeks full of Reese's cups, I saw that the rightness of taking care of myself, as He commands, made it worth the effort. It was an epiphany. God sure can pack a lot of information in a few quiet minutes. I should be quiet more.

As I sit with my family, sufficiently full of healthy green salad and no-calorie water, I'm content because I know that I did the right thing for the right reasons. That halter dress is the next to go to Goodwill. That'll teach her to mock me.

Until tomorrow--Day 4....

Day 2--January 7th

The announcement came across the loudspeaker, "Due to the inclement weather, the office will be closing at 3:00 today. Drive carefully!"

Since 3:00 was my scheduled time to work out, my first reaction was, "Cool, I won't have to run today!"

Then my conscience spoke up, "Go now then." Silly conscience, always has an answer for everything..

Just as I determined I was going to go run at 2:00 instead, my friend who was going to work out with me called and asked if our meeting was cancelled since we were leaving early.

"No", I pouted. "How about 2:00 instead?"

"Great!" she answered. "See you then!"

Well, it seemed as if day two was going to happen so I took a deep breath, grabbed my bag and headed over to the White house for another go at this Couch to 5K thing.

As I warmed up and began running, it seemed that having someone to talk to made the workout so much easier. I don't remember thinking, as I had the time before, that my calves were on fire and that the next morning they would find me in my bed, a victim of spontaneous combustion; the investigators report would read, "According to the burn patterns, the fire originated in the calf area." No sir-ee, not this time...my calves were feeling fine! No fire hose, forensic investigator, or CPR required.

That's when it began, a small bright white light with its slow spreading glow, whispered, "Hey, you can do this."

When I walked back to my desk, backpack over my shoulder, a co-worker passed me in the hall and asked if I was leaving for the day. With a puzzled look and voice filled with questions, I said, "No, I just got back from the White house."

I wasn't sure what had just happened over there, or why I was feeling good, but I knew, somehow, that this journey was going to be a good one. Despite the pain or hard work, in the end, it would bring more benefits than I was expecting.

As I drove home from work, surprisingly, I wanted to run again! "What is happening to me!?" I wondered. Just a taste of success, just a hint of hope, and I'm longing for it again so soon? Even though it's hard work and can bring pain or exhaustion?

That's when my newly oxygenated brain said, "Just like a small taste of Jesus, it is never enough, no matter the cost."

OH....so true. That silly Conscience was pretty smart sometimes. I apologized to Him for my earlier comment. He said it was ok, He gets that a lot. I like a Conscience with a thick skin.

Until Sunday....!

Day 1--January 5th "I have lost my mind"

Somehow, a few weeks ago, my brain shorted out and I decided I'd like to run a 5K. Some of my friends were talking about running; some for health, some for fundraising, some in support of various groups or diseases. Their insanity must have splashed on me.

I used to run--a lot--but NEVER without a ball in play somewhere near me. However, since I turned about about 27, I would only run if someone was chasing me. (And even then I'd judge whether or not I could defend myself before choosing that last resort.)

Why I've decided to start running at age 38 is beyond me. I must have lost my mind--I think it's too many monthly wellness newsletters or glasses of water. I think Evelyn should check into it.

Whatever the reason, insanity or something else, today was my first day of training. At exactly 3:00 pm, I grabbed my backpack and headed over to the house of horrors, otherwise known as the White House, to torture myself for 30 long minutes on the treadmill.

Do you know how long 30 minutes is when you hate every second of what your doing? Let me assure you, it's a LONG time! I now know there are 376 slats in the blinds and how many window are on the building across the street. I've also figured out that Elijah must have been in good shape if he ran before Ahab back to the palace after he slaughtered all the false prophets. I never considered how strong one must be to take out 850 people, but as I pounded along on the treadmill, I figured he had to have some kind of stamina to stand that run! I'm convinced that the Bible translators got it wrong--instead of Jesus saying "take up your cross and follow me", I think He really said, "get on your treadmill and chase after me." Both are torture, only on the treadmill, you never get anywhere.

{{Sigh}}

Well, I just keep thinking that if I can keep this up, there has to be some good that comes from it. Maybe I'll get into the jeans I wore in my early 20's. High school jeans are too much to comprehend. Or, maybe I'll be able to shop for clothes in the misses section instead of the Mister's. Baby steps...

Whatever benefits might come, they better hurry before my mind returns.

Next training session--Thursday. Ugh, don't remind me....