Day 10--Jan 27th

Yesterday I had no motivation. Not even the thought of my first race looming only a few weeks away was enough to excite me about training. I ran at 4:00 as usual (I changed the time so I don't have to go back to work in my dress clothes while I was still perspiring.) Ok, well...."Perspiring" is such a nice way of saying, "Sweating like a pig on a steamy August afternoon knowing you're next in line for the slaughter." Whatever, I moved it to 4:00 so I could just go home and take a shower afterward.

Despite the lack of motivation, I kept hearing in my mind that it takes 30 days to form a new habit. Having implemented this "habit" on January 4th, I'm starting to think that the person who said that is unstable. However, with the thought that I'd have a new healthy habit and be home free in less than a week, I snatched up my backpack and headed over to the White House to run.

Oh...it was a tough day. My legs were so stiff it felt like I was running on crutches; I had no pace or fluidity but instead lumbered like a freight train through 30 minutes of grueling, mind numbing pain. The rhythm was a deafening: thud, thud, pause, thud, thud, pause, thud, thud, pause.

Where oh where was my joy? Where was my conviction? Where was my deep, spiritual insight and application? Had they abandoned me like fair weather friends? They have been my long time, but not oft called on companions; they probably got sick of me seeking them out only in times of desperation. They packed up and went home. I don't blame them. This treadmill was no place to be right now. Trust me.

I was alone with no flights of feeling, no deep reservoir of strength, no desire for selfish benefit. It was just me, running. Not knowing why. Just hoping that I could form a new habit if I kept at it.

OOOOHHHHH.......the light bulb went on...

Wow! That was the secret? HOPE? Just the hope that I could be stronger and in better control of mind and body kept me enduring this punishment? Hope has that kind of power?? The deep spiritual insights were numerous. I'll leave them to you to apply.

After a few minutes of contemplation, one major thought occurred to me; I'm not to be trusted with this knowledge. With great power, comes great responsibility...or so I've heard. I'm not worthy of knowledge, power, responsibility or trust. But I am still hopeful.

Over the years, my deepest hopes have always been to have new habits and desires, to be better. To be free from sin and soul sickness, sadness and grief. To be like Jesus. And here was the answer, staring me right in the face. Not shrouded in feeling, fancy, selfishness, pride, vanity, or anything else, my motivation was simply hope. Whether it was in training my body, or training my mind, the power of hope was enough to keep me going.

I'm pondering this new revelation. I'll write more about it later. Hopefully, tomorrow.

Till next time, keep running!